Driving While Not Driving

(How to Keep Moving Without Losing Yourself)

Driving While Not Driving
Photo by kaluci / Unsplash

Sometimes you walk into a new team or client situation and realize pretty quick:
this isn’t what you signed up for.

Maybe the culture’s off.
Maybe people are talking but not listening.
Maybe no one’s actually leading—or the people who are shouldn’t be.

But you're already in it.
You didn’t choose the car, you’re not holding the wheel, and you can’t just get out.
So the question becomes:

How do you keep moving without becoming part of the mess?
How do you stay you—when everything around you is pushing you to fold or disappear?

Here’s how I’ve learned to handle it.


1. Read the Room—Without Absorbing It

The first move is to just see what’s there. No judgment. No performance. Just observation.

What’s unsaid?
Who’s got influence?
What gets rewarded here—speed, clarity, noise, survival?

But here’s the key:
don’t take it on.

You can clock the dysfunction without making it yours.
You can notice the tension without needing to solve it all.
It’s not your job to carry the whole car. Just stay alert.


2. Figure Out What You Can Actually Control

You’re not here to change the whole team in one speech.
You are here to move something forward. So get clear on what that is.

Is it how you show up in meetings?
Is it how you support one person who does want to do the right thing?
Is it doing clean work even if everything else is messy?

Pick your spots.
Pick your battles.
Don’t waste energy trying to fix things that aren’t ready to shift.


3. Protect Your Signal

This part’s tricky. In toxic or tense environments, it’s easy to mirror the tone.
To go quiet.
To start second-guessing your instincts.
To shrink just enough to stay safe.

But if you do that too long, you’ll forget what clear even feels like.

So:
Speak when it matters.
Don’t gaslight yourself.
Keep one part of you anchored outside the system—so you remember what normal looks like.

Even if no one else is modeling clarity, you can.


4. Let Friction Exist Without Needing to Fix It

Not everything needs to be resolved right now.
Sometimes it’s enough to just name it. Or even just notice it.

Say, “This feels off,” and keep moving.
Say, “I’m not sure that makes sense,” and move on.
Say nothing, but log the pattern for when it matters.

You don’t need to blow it up.
You just need to stay real.


5. Find One Safe Outlet

Don’t process all of this inside your own head. That’s how it festers.
Find one person who gets it. Or write it down. Or talk it out on a walk. Doesn’t matter how—just don’t hold all the weight alone.

That’s not toughness. That’s how you break.


Final Thought

You’re not soft for noticing the dysfunction.
You’re not dramatic for feeling it weigh on you.
You’re not a failure if you don’t fix it all.

Just hold your shape.
Say what needs saying.
Keep momentum where you can.
And remember: you don’t need to drive the car to influence the route.

You’re still you. That matters.